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Crooked Heart

by Gemma Laurence

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1.
Judas 03:32
I trusted you You gave me no reason not to Until you left me for some girl you knew For a week or two And I trusted you I remember all the words of the song that you wrote for me, “Nowhere to be, come and float with me Stay and talk awhile with a twinkle in my eye, hold true” You said hold true, before you left out of the blue Before you crumbled like a coward and made some sick excuse You said you’d hold true and I trusted you It’s a shame all the words that you sang didn’t mean a thing And I stood by your side even when you lied Ten thousand miles across the sea And I sent you a letter in the afternoon of November sixteenth Just a few hours before you called me up and told me you’d be leaving This is not the man I knew you to be who told me you’d be true to me As we sat on the bathroom floor and you told me “There’s nothing to be scared of don’t you see I’ve always got your back so don’t worry” And you kissed me in the door frame soft and sweet So I trusted you You gave me no reason not to Until you left me for some girl you’ve known For a week or two And I trusted you I trusted you I trusted you I trusted you You gave me no reason not to Until you left me for some girl you’ve known For a week or two And I trusted you
2.
Just another high hope hung on the line Bone-dry as my lips by your sweet sunshine I liked the way it felt with your hand in mine Should’ve known that you’d leave me out to dry Oh I’m tired of hanging off of this clothesline Oh I’m wasted and you leave me out to dry But it was my fault that I set my hopes so high I don’t know why this caught me by surprise Just another fleeting love affair Little talks, guards drop, I can see you’re scared But you whisper sweet nothings, hands in my hair I might be crazy but I really just thought you cared Oh I’m tired of hanging off of this clothesline Oh I’m wasted and you leave me out to dry But it was my fault that I set my hopes so high I don’t know why this caught me by surprise Those sweet little words tumble out of your lips Fingertips interlaced, leave me with a kiss I know that I would always want a little bit more So with my heavy heart, I close your bedroom door Oh I’m tired of hanging off of this clothesline Oh I’m wasted and you leave me out to dry But it was my fault that I set my hopes so high I don’t know why this caught me by surprise Oh I’m tired of hanging off of this clothesline Oh I’m wasted and you leave me out to dry But it was my fault that I set my hopes so high I don’t know why this caught me by surprise
3.
Love me and leave me He's a leech sucking blood from my veins When he bites me it reminds me Of the love that you wasted away Cause I haven't felt the fire since you Met me at the Marylebone train These days hatred and desire are Essentially one in the same “Please don't leave me alone,” You begged, but my heart was stone cold I might be a masochist Cause I love it when you hurt me this way I don’t remember a time when my Skin was unmarred from the pain Lovebites from leeches Cigarette burns all the way Up ivory thighs are the teeth marks That are there to stay Forever and forever at least That's what you said that one day “Please don't leave me alone,” You begged, but my heart was stone cold I might be a masochist Cause I love it when you hurt me this way Oh so hurt me this way I refuse to try and fix you The last time I did it broke me in two These lovers or leeches are sucking me dry I won’t let you hurt me then sit there as you cry “Please don't leave me alone,” You begged, but my heart was stone cold I might be a masochist Cause I love it when you hurt me this way Oh so hurt me this way
4.
"This track is about running into an ex at a party and realizing there's a lot of unresolved feelings there. It's about the weight of words that you want to say out loud but can't." – Gemma You saw me across the room Flashing lights in the night, suddenly I knew That you missed me too And you looked beautiful tonight Couldn’t tell you in a way that would sound alright What happens when two lovers meet again and the memories flood back? What happens when you slam the door But it stubbornly stays open just a crack? Do I want you back? My stitches have all healed But my skin still longs to feel you close to me But can I forgive and forget All the pain you caused me? But can I forgive and forget All the days of agony? I’m not your baby anymore Can I forgive, forget? I don’t think I can this time Can we forgive, forget? I don’t think we can this time Can I forgive, forget? I don’t think I can this time Can we forgive, forget? I don’t think we can this time No, not this time No, not this time No, not this time No, not this time
5.
Moonlight 04:14
"I tried to capture that wonderful, vulnerable, terrifying feeling of when you realize, one night, that you're falling for somebody and you never want the morning to come." – Gemma Sing to me in Portuguese On my floor ‘till half past three I’m scared I talk a little bit too much So sing to me your favorite song 'Eternal Sunshine' hums along Till coffee grinds on Canonbury lane So I’ll hold you just a little tight Because I know that the night Will melt away to morning-time too soon So I’ll hold you just a little tight Cause I’m afraid that you might Slip beneath the skyline with the moon That you might slip beneath the skyline with the moon Let’s not talk about sunrise Let’s not listen to the bells chime Cause everything we want is here under aching moonlight And the morning is a million miles away Cause everything we want is here under aching moonlight And the morning is a million miles away And the morning is a million miles away And the morning is a million miles away That lazy moon still lies awake Stretching her arms when morning breaks She cheats us from the clock we’ve tried to beat But the stratosphere looks nice tonight With you under the hazy sky Why do we love the ones who have to leave? So I’ll hold you just a little tight Because I know that the night Will melt away to morning-time too soon So I’ll hold you just a little tight ‘Cause I’m afraid that you might Slip beneath the skyline with the moon Oh please don’t slip beneath the skyline with the moon So let’s not talk about sunrise And let’s not listen when the bells chime ‘Cause everything we want is here under aching moonlight And the morning is a million miles away Cause everything we want is here under aching moonlight And the morning is a million miles away And the morning is a million miles away And the morning is a million miles away And the morning is a million miles away
6.
"It breaks my heart listening to this song over again. It's so hopeful and blindly romantic. The song is about sensing that a relationship might fall apart soon and doing everything in your power to hold onto it." – Gemma Can you tell me every little thing’s gonna be alright? Can you soothe my heart so I can sleep at peace tonight? You really scared me with your cold words That still just don’t feel right Can you tell me that your crooked heart is still with mine? So before you open your sweet lips And say the words that’ll make me lose my grip Come back to hot summer days in Setauket haze When we’d sleep late, wake up with me in the morning rays That danced off the waves on the New York shore Where we’d lie in the sands and never wanted more Than to live in this crooked, perfect love So before you speak, there’s something I have to say My crooked love, please don’t up and fly away My baby child, here must be something I can say Something like, “Three thousand miles ain’t got nothin’ on our love, my baby child” So stay and we’ll make it through these lonesome days Baby please stay, we’ll make it through these lonesome days You know I love you but I’ve been bruised so many times before You know I’m trying to understand your mind a little more I really hope that we still have some time for us in store Please don’t leave me wondering if you might slam the door So before you open your sweet lips And say the words that’ll make me lose my grip Come back to hot summer days in Setauket haze When we’d sleep late, wake up with me in the morning rays That danced off the waves on the New York shore Where we’d lie in the sands and never wanted more Than to live in this crooked love So before you speak, there’s something I have to say My crooked love, please don’t up and fly away My baby child, here must be something I can say Something like, “Three thousand miles ain’t got nothin’ on our love, my baby child” So stay and we’ll make it through these lonesome days Baby please stay, we’ll make it through these lonesome days
7.
"A poem for my grandmother" – Gemma I thought of you when the mourning dove sang As I walked through the beech groves today I said that I’d write you but it must have slipped my mind As I found out that the beast had grown, ‘Till I found out that it spread from the scars on your chest To your liver and your lungs and your bones Last time I saw you, the roses were blooming Pimm’s on the lawn and mourning doves crooning, Champagne and birthday cake, We got drunk on those summer days Underneath the Somerset sun I lose myself in reveries so I don’t lose the memories of the way you used to light up the room I know winter’s gale will take you away, I’ll sing Abide With Me on your funeral day, And smile at the bittersweet sound of your name Still the mourning dove sings every day Still the mourning dove sings every day
8.
"This is the track that started the album! I was struck by the line in W.H. Auden's 'As I Walked Out One Evening': 'You shall love your crooked neighbour / With your crooked heart.' So I wrote a love song about it, and then the album unfolded from there" – Gemma Stay a while, my crooked love Don’t fly away just yet It’s a quarter past eleven And the Q-train hasn’t left So I can see your freckled face And smile awhile more And hold your calloused hand in mine There’s nothing I want more Than to ride on that train next to you Than to fly on that plane next to you Than to soar over state-lines and oceans next to you Than to wake up every morning next to you Than to wake up every morning next to you Next to you Remember when we’d amble home Those cold nights through the snow And listen to some Johnny Flynn Drunk on my carpet floor? Somehow your love outdoes Anything I’ve felt before You look at me and now I see There’s nothing I want more Than to ride on that car next to you Than to fly on that plane next to you Than to soar over state lines and oceans next to you Than to wake up every morning next to you Than to wake up every morning next to you Next to you Oh I’ll love my crooked neighbor With my crooked heart Oh I’ll love my crooked neighbor With my crooked heart So I’ll ride on that train car next to you Oh I’ll fly on that jet plane next to you And I’ll soar over state lines and oceans next to you So I can wake up every morning next to you So I can wake up every morning next to you So I can wake up every morning next to you Next to you
9.
"Don't Slam the Door is a song about closure. It's about mourning the end of relationship by celebrating the moments (both joyful and challenging) that you've shared. And it's about not being ready to leave those moments behind quite yet." – Gemma We got so good at goodbyes Train station platforms and telephone lines Reciting our lines every night I was afraid but I couldn’t say why Oh I was afraid but I couldn’t say why We rehearsed unbeknownst for the curtains to fall I hung up your dead roses up on my wall There’s always a farewell to follow hello Oh we didn’t know, we didn’t know You said we’d always have memories You and me, green-painted hallways But I can’t think like that I love you too much to hold you in the past So don’t slam the door When you go darling, don’t slam the door When you go darling, don’t slam the door When you go darling, don’t slam the door When you go darling, don't slam the door Three times you almost flew up and away All but the last I convinced you to stay Walked back from the party, you gave me your coat Don’t you recall, we were good at hellos Don’t you recall, we were good at hellos Was it my fault for moving away Left you in the hills when I got on my plane? I’ll always remember you waving goodbye In my rearview mirror I started to cry In my rearview mirror I started to cry In my rearview mirror I started to cry You said we’d always have memories You and me, green-painted hallway But I can’t think like that I love you too much to hold you in the past So don’t slam the door When you go darling, don’t slam the door When you go darling, don’t slam the door When you go darling, don’t slam the door When you go darling, don’t slam the door
10.
"This is a song I wrote for a student of mine who lost his father at a very young age. It's about trying to find moments of beauty in grief" – Gemma He once was a wayward child Knees always bruised, he wore a crooked smile He lived in a house made of hazelwood With his Ma and Pa deep into the woods Everyday before sunset he’d go out with his father To the forest they would tread to pick flowers for his mother But a year’s slipped away since his twelfth birthday But the morn now chills him to the bone For on that same day his Pa passed away Now he picks wildflowers alone That old forest floor cuts him to the core Every spring when the bluebells bloom And the dogwood grows in the soil below And the ivy creeps towards the moon Everyday before sunset he’d go out with his father To the forest they would tread to pick flowers for his mother But a year’s slipped away since his twelfth birthday But the morn now chills him to the bone For on that same day his Pa passed away Now he picks wildflowers alone For that wayward boy no longer finds joy In the flowers he once adored And that crooked smile no one’s seen in awhile How I hope to see it once more Oh my boy who I’d give anything for Everyday before sunset he’d go out with his father To the forest they would tread To pick flowers for his mother A year’s slipped away since his twelfth birthday But the morn now chills him to the bone For on that same day his Pa passed away Now he picks wildflowers alone He picks me wildflowers alone

about

In her debut album, Gemma Laurence blends foot-stomping banjo riffs with cello melodies and poetic lyricism to create a timeless folky nostalgia, calling her listeners home to the people and places left behind for new beginnings.

credits

released August 16, 2020

A special thanks to Jud Caswell, April Reed-Cox, Sarah and Henry Laurence, Tony and Cynthia Lamport, Emma Katz, Lucy Rinzler-Day, Kyle Wright, Kevin Killen, and all of the other wonderful friends, family, and mentors who have all encouraged me and guided me along the way.

Performed and Written by Gemma Laurence
Published by Gemma Laurence Music (ASCAP)
Produced by Jud Caswell
Cello by April Reed-Cox
Additional Banjo by Jud Caswell
Album Art by Sarah Laurence, Lucy Rinzler-Day, and Emma Katz

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Gemma Laurence Brunswick, Maine

Gemma Laurence is a queer indie folk artist from the coast of Maine, now based in Brooklyn. Her debut LP Crooked Heart came out in 2019, and her latest single "Adrienne" is out now.

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